Sunday, August 01, 2004

Morning Becomes Computer

It’s past midnight, contrary to what the time stamp of this post reads. (All post times still
adhere to Pacific Time.) Its been a long day.

I originally woke up around 2:00 am and wanted very much for the day to begin. It’s rare to awake at such an early morning hour and want to do anything but numbly eye the clock, gage the time and gratefully zonk back into the deepest of slumbers. But last night I felt anxious with unidentifiable expectations, as if in the wide expanse of a summer Saturday I was bound to fulfill things long unrealized. The night felt too long. I managed 3 more hours of sleep before 5:00 am rolled around and scooped me out of bed, handing me a Diet Coke with lemon for my troubles and sending me down to the computer.

But why, I have to wonder- and not without a tinge of guilt- the computer first thing? There was the obligatory scan of Yahoo’s news headlines, the cursory scanning of the Tribune weather page and the momentary suspense of checking my e-mail- all done between groggy sips of cola without any pause to wonder if this was what got me out of bed at 5:00 am feeling so much expectation.

And this expectation, it should be noted, wasn’t the fretful tossing and turning variety- it was more of a gee-whiz Frank Capra/Jimmy Stewart meets Norman Rockwell kind of idiot glee- and it had me up and sitting dumbly in front of the computer so that it wasn’t until nearly 7:00 that I finally asked, “Is this all?”

Now, it’s 1:17 am, over 19 hours later and this very same expectation is running on fumes. What was it exactly and did I quench it? I think so. Tonight I intend on letting 5:00 am pass by unrecognized. I’m aiming for 7:00 am mixed with a couple heaping t-spoons of a mid-afternoon nap.

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